The Rest of Your Life
by foreverfinchel
Summary: AU: One year after the death of her fiance, Finn Hudson, Rachel struggles with letting go of her past and the accusations from her friends and family surrounding his unsolved murder. Based on the story Horns by Joe Hill.


Sitting in her gingerbread man pajamas Rachel clutched Finn the bear tightly to her chest. Burying her nose in the fur on the top of its head she could smell her boyfriend's cologne ever so lightly. It was perfect in every way, her favorite so far. Its soft brown fur was almost an exact match for the color of his eyes and the little suit he wore reminded her of how handsome Finn had looked last month at Mr. Schuester's wedding.

Kurt rolled his eyes as he watched his friend swoon over a stuffed animal. "It's the same thing he gets you every Christmas, Rachel, I don't understand why you're going so gaga over it."

"It's not the same," she protested, "last year it was an elephant. Finn's never actually made me a bear before."

"And the year before that a cat, and the year before that a dog, and hey, I could tell you what Finn has gotten you for the last six years because they're all on that bed of yours that's not going to have room for you by the time you're thirty."

She stuck her tongue out at her friend, "You're just jealous because we have a tradition."

"It's boring. He didn't even put in any effort this time, he didn't even give it a good name. Finn? Really? I'm not sure whether that's cheesy or lazy," Kurt retorted.

"It's adorable. Now every night I get to go home and cuddle up to a Finn, even if it's not the one I really want to be lying next to." Kurt made a gagging sound in response and Carole emerged from the kitchen looking distracted. "Is something wrong?"

Carole set down a plate of cookies on the coffee table in front of Rachel. "Huh? Oh. No, sweetie," she seemed to stop mid sentence as she sat down on the worn recliner sipping her eggnog. "Rachel, honey, Finn is still outside playing with that copter Burt got him, would you mind wrangling him back in."

Rachel beamed at her, "No problem." She reluctantly set her bear down and slipped on her boots and coat before running out the back door." She didn't see her boyfriend, or hear the steady hum of his toy when she stepped outside and a flicker of worry ran across her face before she noticed a soft light coming from the tree house in the back corner of the yard.

She tried to step in Finn's footprints, but his stride was too wide and the high snow filled into the top of her boot. "Finn?" She called with a shiver. As she reached the ladder of the treehouse she saw a single candle flickering in the windowsill and let out a frustrated breath. "What have I told you about candles in the tree house. The whole thing is going to go up and then-" she lost her train of thought as she crawled through the door. Dozens of candles lit the tiny treehouse illuminating her boyfriend who sat on the quilt she'd made him last year strewn with rose petals.

"They're all fake," he said looking slightly panicked. He picked one up and tipped it over to show her that he'd found the battery operated kind.

Kneeling down on the floor in front of him she took his face in her hands and kissed him. "This is very sweet. Thank you." His eyes lit up and he licked his lips as if missing the taste of her already. She sat back on her heels beaming. "So what is all this for anyway?" She rubbed her legs, the pajama pants doing nothing to shield her legs from the biting cold of the winter morning. She didn't understand how Finn was fine sitting there, he wasn't even wearing a coat, in fact it looked like he might actually be sweating.

"We had our first kiss here," he reached across and put his hand over hers, caressing her fingers. "You were standing right about there the first time I told you I loved you. And it was here that I first realized I would spend the rest of my life loving you." Tears began to well in Rachel's eyes. She felt like she knew where this was going but it was all too soon wasn't it? "Rachel Barbra Berry, will you marry me?"

She sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand, "I told you I wanted to wait until we were done with college," her protest sounding weak even on her own ears.

Finn leaned forward wiping away a tear with his thumb before he kissed her, with his other hand he pulled out a ring box, the silver, newly polished, gleamed back at her. "I can wait. I just… I needed you to know that I'm in it, baby, New York, all of it, I want to be there by your side." He plucked the ring out of the box and slid it onto her shaky finger as Rachel let out a soft gasp. "Say yes."

Nodding wordlessly she stared at her finger, she'd seen the same one on Carole's finger when she'd first met her, she wore it for years after the death of Finn's father, only putting it away when things began to get serious between her and Burt. It meant the world to her to know that this little symbol of their love meant she had his mother behind them.

The smug smile on his face made her blush and hit him on the chest. He was absolutely loving this. Of course he did, she had just agreed to marry him, but it annoyed her that the real source of that gleam in his eye was because he loved leaving her speechless, like it was his mission in life to stun her into silence.

Climbing slowly into his lap she drew his face towards hers, watching the small diamond glitter, even in the low light. "Cocky is not a good look on you." She wished that were true, there was nothing she loved more than seeing Finn brimming with confidence. Teasing him she rolled her hips against his slowly, earning a soft moan in return.

Rocking in his lap he hardened beneath her she began to pull away. She loved teasing him and leaving him flush, but she had a dozen calls to make. "I can't wait to show Kurt," she whispered as Finn's hands found purchase on her hips and his lips wandered to her neck.

"Can you do me a favor and not mention Kurt right now." Her laughter sounded like music to his ears and he reached up tugging lightly at a strand of hair to bring her attention back to him.

"I'll warm you up," he teased rocking his hips into hers.

"Finn! We need to go. We can't... What it someone comes looking for us."

"They won't come looking."

"If we're gone too long they'll know something is up." He gave her a pointed look and she pushed his shoulder lightly. "Do you have to make everything dirty?"

"I don't have to," he replied shrugging as his hand reached to undo the knot on her pants. "We won't be long, all I need is five minutes."

Rachel snorted, "I don't think that statement is as impressive as you think it is." Finn's hand slipped into her pajamas and began eagerly rubbing her over her underwear. Lips skimmed across her ear before he took the lobe into his mouth nibbling on it lightly. "Five minutes won't hurt," she finally rasped out, already laughed against her skin and kissed down her neck.

Eager fingers teased her swollen bud and a sharp nip at her shoulder had her panting, "Finn."

Quickly, as if burned, hands and lips pulled away and Rachel opened her eyes to see hard eyes glaring back at her. She couldn't find the energy to pretend like she was sorry as she watched Brody roll over and pick up boxers from the floor. "I'll go make us some coffee," his voice was practically dripping with disgust.

Brody hated her right now and she didn't care, she hated herself most days. Besides, she should be angry with him, he'd interrupted her dreams, the only place she was still happy.

Easing herself into a sitting position she watched as Brody padded around the kitchenette, pulling K-Cups from the cabinet and milk from the fridge.

"I forgot to tell you, papa has some work dinner tonight, so I told him we'd just take a cab from the airport." Brody grunted as he turned around handing her a warm mug of coffee. "You don't have to come if you don't want to." It hadn't been her idea anyway, her fathers had suggested that if she intended to come home this week she might want to bring a friend for support, and since Brody was just about her only friend the invitation had been extended to him.

"Neither of us should be going," he grunted picking up his coffee and sitting at the edge of the bed. He knew what was waiting for him, that same glare she shot him every time he suggested that she defer her trip home.

"I don't want you to come," she spat. For the first time she realized maybe it was the truth.

"Yeah, well, whether or not either of us wants me to be there we both know the truth is you need me to be there." Rachel flinched and turned away. "Seriously, Rachel, the worst fucking time. When are you going to stop punishing yourself?"

"With the new evidence," Rachel set her cup down on the night stand. "We're getting so much closer to finding out what really happened, who really-"

"And then what?" Brody gestured wildly, coffee splashing out of his cup and onto the crisp linen. "Then all those people who turned their back on you suddenly become your best friends again? Why would you want that?"

"It's not like that. They were hurting. Confused."

He took a long drink from his cup and laughed a mirthless laughter, "So were you."

"You don't know what you're-"

"You're in love with a ghost, Rachel." Her skin paled, but he continued. "All this time I told myself that this- going home on the anniversary of his death- was some kind of closure, but it's not. You're never going to let go of him, or them, or any of it are you?" He stared at her challenging her to correct him.

No.

Begging her.

Rachel stared at him helplessly, she'd never seen Brody vulnerable before and she wished she could say anything to give him hope

But she couldn't lie to him.

After what seemed like an eternity he broke her gaze and stood up kissing her sweetly on the forehead. "It's getting late, I wanted to shower before we head to the airport.

She stroked his hand as she pulled the cup from his grasp. "I'll put this away for you," she told him through a forced smile.

She was selfish, he deserved better.

Rachel couldn't love him. She couldn't love anyone. She was in love with a ghost.


End file.
